"好きではないけど嫌いではない。 ただの'いる'と言う感じだ。”
ならば彼女との感じがないんじゃない。
"そうかもしれない"
かもって言うな野郎。
"考えれば皆に聞こう。”
なにを。
”俺と彼女の関係、今は大丈夫ですか。将来は大丈夫ですか。”
何でそんなことを皆に聞こうかな。…ああ。 そうだね。 君は感じがないからさ。 そういう考えしかできないのさ。 好きや嫌いやあんたにとって存在していない子束でしょう。 あんたの世界と考えは算数だけ。 物理学だけ。 科学だけ。 そういう思いだけ。 他の思いなんてない。 好きなんてない。 嫌いなんてない。
思いなんてない。
重いなんてない。
"一番いい結果を探すんだ。”
もうないさ。
”あるんだ。”
そうか。結婚ですか。さあ、聞こう。あんた、彼女と結婚するつもりですか。
”そうかもね。”
もうかもって言うなって言ったんでしょう？！野郎。阿呆かてめは。
ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー
the fuck do i get worked up over shit like this for.
いやそうだね。 もう覚えました。
てめのせいじゃない。
てめのせいで俺の友達はそんなふうになったのよ。
てめのせいで俺と友達の関係はそういうもんなよ。
’好き’って言ったらいいのに。できないんでしょう。心から。好きではないか？気持ちがないか？心がないか？
ならなんで。
ファック。
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Teacher's Day Eve
Hey, tomorrow's the last teacher's day we'll be having for a really long time.
(I think. Do they do it in uni? >_>)
I think the silence sufficiently conveys my feelings about this.
(I think. Do they do it in uni? >_>)
I think the silence sufficiently conveys my feelings about this.
Monday, August 24, 2009
The Future
I find the idea of the future rather annoying. About dreams. About jobs. About work life, university life and 'what to do after this'.
It's annoying that there's a line between the people who have rich parents and can basically get into whatever university they want to, take whatever degree they want to and take any job they can afford to live off their parents - and the poor people who dream of getting a scholarship, getting a decent job (presumably bonded with the government), paying off their debts to their parents and hopefully breaking out of the cycle they were stuck in for so long.
And it's annoying that I have to tread this buggersome line because I'm not in either extreme category. Other people tend to take the first side if they can afford to, the second if they cannot. Someone like me inside the middle ends up feeling like he's completely out of touch with the world.
The ideals of job mobility and security come at certain prices - presumably the lack of the other in both respective cases. What's the value of a bond? Four to five years. How much is four to five years to me now? How much is four to five years to the me just out of the job market? What's the cost of not having a bond? Perhaps a student loan and you in the red; perhaps your parents working their lives away to finance your university life, or perhaps talent recognized enough for a bond-free scholarship (an idea so amazingly absent in the red dot).
There are horror stories of graduates ending up as clerks or any kind of work that ends up belittling their intelligence and capabilities. There are horror stories of graduates returning to Singapore, serving their bond and duty and realizing that the signature and fingerprint from the 18/19-year old you have cursed your life for the rest of your bond.
Really, there are horror stories of work life in general, just put it that way, huh.
It's annoying how I live with a belief and philosophy so egoistical in nature and so out-of-touch with reality because I believe that to some extent, reality can be conformed to me, as much as vice versa was possible. It is an idea that few can believe, fewer can justify, and almost none can execute. I do not lie within the 'almost none' nor the 'fewer'. Anyone lying within the 'almost none' is probably lying or an ubermensch.
Sigh. Nevermind, sian to talk. (I'll probably still be sian when any of you ask about it)
It's annoying that there's a line between the people who have rich parents and can basically get into whatever university they want to, take whatever degree they want to and take any job they can afford to live off their parents - and the poor people who dream of getting a scholarship, getting a decent job (presumably bonded with the government), paying off their debts to their parents and hopefully breaking out of the cycle they were stuck in for so long.
And it's annoying that I have to tread this buggersome line because I'm not in either extreme category. Other people tend to take the first side if they can afford to, the second if they cannot. Someone like me inside the middle ends up feeling like he's completely out of touch with the world.
The ideals of job mobility and security come at certain prices - presumably the lack of the other in both respective cases. What's the value of a bond? Four to five years. How much is four to five years to me now? How much is four to five years to the me just out of the job market? What's the cost of not having a bond? Perhaps a student loan and you in the red; perhaps your parents working their lives away to finance your university life, or perhaps talent recognized enough for a bond-free scholarship (an idea so amazingly absent in the red dot).
There are horror stories of graduates ending up as clerks or any kind of work that ends up belittling their intelligence and capabilities. There are horror stories of graduates returning to Singapore, serving their bond and duty and realizing that the signature and fingerprint from the 18/19-year old you have cursed your life for the rest of your bond.
Really, there are horror stories of work life in general, just put it that way, huh.
It's annoying how I live with a belief and philosophy so egoistical in nature and so out-of-touch with reality because I believe that to some extent, reality can be conformed to me, as much as vice versa was possible. It is an idea that few can believe, fewer can justify, and almost none can execute. I do not lie within the 'almost none' nor the 'fewer'. Anyone lying within the 'almost none' is probably lying or an ubermensch.
Sigh. Nevermind, sian to talk. (I'll probably still be sian when any of you ask about it)
Thursday, August 20, 2009
O U Bugger
近い。 近すぎる。 分っている？ 彼と一緒なら絶対にうれしい結論にできませんということ。 知らなかったんでしょう。 まあ、 しょうがないんさ。 それは人生だからな。 君は知ってるのは "彼は私ほど相手を愛することができん” と言う思いだね。 違いではないんだけど、まあ、正しいでもないんですね。 ちょっと複雑なことだね、人間関係は。
僕は？ 僕は分ってるよ。 君が知らないこと。 君が思えないこと。 考えられないこと。 彼のこと。 なぜなら彼はお前の思ったよりバカだからね。
近いよ。 近すぎる。 すっげ近いよ。 そんなに近ったら傷付けちゃうよ。 まあ、僕には関係ないけどね。
でもさあ、君にとってそれはどうでもいいんでしょう。 だって、 きみはもう言ったのよ。 ”平等できないなら、私方が多いさ”って。 そういうの"愛"はどうかしら。
実はね。 あんたは彼を感情捨て人形と見なすだけでしょう。 君は知らないけど。 でも、そうやったら幸せになれないよ。 そうしても続くのかな？ まあ、 今の君はそういう人と一緒にいることは必要かもしれません。 僕には関係ない。
でもさあ、 もうすぐ傷付けちゃうよ。 知らない、感じない、考えられないうちに。
僕は？ 僕は分ってるよ。 君が知らないこと。 君が思えないこと。 考えられないこと。 彼のこと。 なぜなら彼はお前の思ったよりバカだからね。
近いよ。 近すぎる。 すっげ近いよ。 そんなに近ったら傷付けちゃうよ。 まあ、僕には関係ないけどね。
でもさあ、君にとってそれはどうでもいいんでしょう。 だって、 きみはもう言ったのよ。 ”平等できないなら、私方が多いさ”って。 そういうの"愛"はどうかしら。
実はね。 あんたは彼を感情捨て人形と見なすだけでしょう。 君は知らないけど。 でも、そうやったら幸せになれないよ。 そうしても続くのかな？ まあ、 今の君はそういう人と一緒にいることは必要かもしれません。 僕には関係ない。
でもさあ、 もうすぐ傷付けちゃうよ。 知らない、感じない、考えられないうちに。
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Fuckyear IOC Over
fuckyeah IOC is over
Thanks to all people involved in helping me on this, including but not limited to:
Jiayan for giving a copy of IOC notes
Kuang for giving a copy of IOC notes (As my birthday present)
JY for giving a copy of IOC notes
Jarrel for giving a copy of IOC notes (On soft AND on hard copy =O )
Jonny for giving a copy of IOC notes
XM for practising IOC with me (I would put something here but I can't think of what)
Jonny for practising IOC with me (till I got sick of it hahahaha)
JY for practising IOC with me (and teaching King Lear)
Jarrel for giving me a copy of the IOC extracts (LOL I would've died without them)
Jiayi for lending me IOC poems during Maria Nathan's lessons
XM for typing out IOC raws for printing and practising
Arjun / Naga / HY / Lev / Julfri / Marc / Jonny / XM for wishing good luck on IOC
Arjun for lending his watch for IOC
Naga and Arjun for helping get my bag when I was running up the ramp (and thinking I was late for IOC for not reporting 15 minutes early mehhhhhh worry so much for nothing)
I uh believe that was about it. Is there anyone I missed out? I mean it goes under the "not limited to" part, but I rather dislike that. Do say something if I missed you out or something.
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ok back to life
Thanks to all people involved in helping me on this, including but not limited to:
Jiayan for giving a copy of IOC notes
Kuang for giving a copy of IOC notes (As my birthday present)
JY for giving a copy of IOC notes
Jarrel for giving a copy of IOC notes (On soft AND on hard copy =O )
Jonny for giving a copy of IOC notes
XM for practising IOC with me (I would put something here but I can't think of what)
Jonny for practising IOC with me (till I got sick of it hahahaha)
JY for practising IOC with me (and teaching King Lear)
Jarrel for giving me a copy of the IOC extracts (LOL I would've died without them)
Jiayi for lending me IOC poems during Maria Nathan's lessons
XM for typing out IOC raws for printing and practising
Arjun / Naga / HY / Lev / Julfri / Marc / Jonny / XM for wishing good luck on IOC
Arjun for lending his watch for IOC
Naga and Arjun for helping get my bag when I was running up the ramp (and thinking I was late for IOC for not reporting 15 minutes early mehhhhhh worry so much for nothing)
I uh believe that was about it. Is there anyone I missed out? I mean it goes under the "not limited to" part, but I rather dislike that. Do say something if I missed you out or something.
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ok back to life
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