終わらないの明日へ

The thirty-first of December 2007, the Eve. Some homework left untouched (Much like some others), and some reflections done undone (Oh, the double-meanings.)

In light of last year's sheer awesome (Being reintroduced to fighters, going overseas three times during schooltime, cool classmates, doesn't really get better), this year probably wanes. Of course, I myself had kind of predicted that last year, and even though I could care less about how 3.9/10 were split, I could care about other annoyances associated with going on to Sec 3. Not to say that this has been a bad year, but comparing to the absolutely carefree self I was but a while ago, being responsible does take its toll on you. I'm sure some I know can testify to that.

After I updated my list of anime that I've watched, I realized a rather sad fact: I've watched/read close to 90 anime/manga series (Counting twice for anime which is incomplete whereas the manga goes to the very end, and for anime which deviate from the manga). Add in the fact that there's a few series that I can't remember the names of due to the fact that I was P1-3 and the name was in Chinese (Oh, Channel 8 Saturday Noon shows. How I miss Gundam Wing) and perhaps it'll hit hundred. Damn. Of course, as much as every being in the nearby vicinity would instantly declare me a Japanese weeaboo faggot, I guess I could reason it out since I have after all been exposed to such since the tender age of 7. That's more than half my life exposed to anime =O. But anyway, anyone wanting to borrow manga/anime can go ahead and ask me now since I've finally gotten my 80gb harddrive, 31 gigs of which have already been filled with anime XD Add in the stuff I got from the Chuang Yi warehouse sale, I guess I should have a substantial amount. >_>

Playing KoF XI with my bro on the PS2, and playing GGXX#R with him on the computer really reminds me of old times when we played KoF 98, 99, and 2000 together. Playing Touhou reminds me of Aero Fighters, just so much tougher. Watching Pokemon at 10.30am (Now 11) has been an 8-year old habit. Slacking is eternal. Even as a teen, age-old stuff still remain fresh in my mind. But still, time moves on. Even my bro feels surprised at the fact that in such a short time, he's already become 20 years old. And that's what I am in 5 year's time. Short, isn't it?

At the end of the past two years, I've put up a simple phrase on my blog: Owaranai no Ashita he. Meaning "Towards a neverending tomorrow" and taken from the game Gundam SEED: Owaranai no Ashita he, it is a simple statement, yet a rather beautiful one at that.

Two years ago, I misunderstood this statement, adding in my own melancholic (read: angsty. Woe) part into it. Last year, what I added to the simple phrase was in retrospect, a very insightful statement in how realistic it was. I never realized that I was like this last year. "Owaranai no Ashita he, Kinou he Kairanai kara" is such a simple statement, yet one I've easily forgotten, a realistic touch to an idealistic statement. Yet, it is better without the second half. After all, what is the purpose of an ideology apart from to be idealistic? But ultimately, what does this short statement, Owaranai no Ashita he mean? "Towards a neverending tomorrow" can mean so many different things.

With the simplest meaning, 'towards a neverending tomorrow' means that tomorrow never ends. We are eternally heading towards the future. Eternally heading towards a goal, eternally heading towards a certain endpoint. In a sense, we are constantly longing, forever in search of something.

However, let us move away from the conventional as the aforementioned concept is just a mere description of everyday life for the normal folk. Can't 'towards a neverending tomorrow' mean that tomorrow never comes? That today never ends? Physically, that's a dream come true: living without a care for tomorrow in a society where you can eternally stay a student, funded by an economy that you need not even care about, never fearing issues of the future. Whatever was eternally longing is now never longing. A live without purpose whatsoever apart from to live life over and over again endlessly. A purely carpe diem style of life. Nietzsche once said that the way to judge one's value in life was through eternal recurrence. What if there was just one moment in life that you could eternally repeat? What would it be? How enjoyable would it be? What would it be like? Sentimental? Thrilling? Peaceful? With friends? Or family? Or with a loved one? This would be the judgement for what your life's worth was. Yet, if you freeze the wrong moment in time, isn't that torture?

Now look at it again. Isn't the first concept and the second concept of 'towards a neverending tomorrow' the absolute same? A world with endless possibilities and a world with no possibilities can be the exact same, after all. So what makes the difference? What makes a neverending tomorrow? A neverending spirit. As long as you believe that a single thought can change the fate of your life, anything is possible by your hands. Of course I'm speaking from an eternal viewpoint where you can make choices infinitely, but even applying that into normal life, isn't it far more comforting to know that whatever small choice you make isn't vanity in the fight against predeterminism? And even if one is afraid of this power, isn't he more afraid of himself; of his inability to trust in his own decisions? It is a mere matter of self-faith. Perhaps this sounds rather existential (which I won't deny), verging even on being atheistic (or in the fundamentalist view satanic), but honestly, if you actually do some research, you will realize that satanism and christianity aren't completely mutually exclusive (though I must admit only in a rare few areas do they coincide, mostly incidentially the areas that also coincide with existentialism).

To me, a neverending tomorrow implies neverending possibilities (because there never exists a point where there are none), neverending mistakes and neverending pain, yet neverending successes and neverending happiness and fun. A world where you can truly go the way you want to, even in the constrictions of society. One where you can transcend boundaries without breaking them. Going beyond humanity while staying human. Outdoing yourself in your own body.

All this idealism. Yet what a simple prerequisite there is before you can realize all of that. All you need is heart and will. The will to sincerely try to seize the day the way you want to, to your best effort. A simple prerequisite, yet a difficult one to fulfill. I haven't been up to it for 15 years, but does that mean you can't? As the year ends again, I shall say it oncemore.

終わらないの明日へ.