I still haven't gotten over losing out my place in HCL to others due to a 17-mark difference caused by Zhao Ju.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that others decide to do HCL despite getting a B4 because 'they couldn't care less about a D7 being displayed on my IB cert and because I know I can do it' when I know I care and would do something about it apart from placing my faith in the high heavens and praying that the diceroll turns out as anything lower than 7, the number most commonly thrown (Irony for non-christians, but that's digressing). I still haven't gotten over the fact that unlike the B4 people who got in, I can easily say that I display far more competence in the language than them. Heck lah, I got screwed over in oral for going off-topic probably making them have merits when I have a pass. I'm seriously sick of hearing people taking HCL O-Levels go 'uh... uh... uh...' more than 5 times every time they say something.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that the general who demands that all soldiers prepare for the upcoming war is met with an adjustments in plans, sending him off somewhere else.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that I've suicidal classmates in class thinking it's perfectly fine to die because they have had a good life. I particularly cannot accept that his best friends are doing nothing about that because of such a reason.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that said suicidal classmate doesn't so much as look at the friends who defend his death till their own, instead of being close by whenever they themselves have issues.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that a stranger enters my class because he is disliked by 2/3rds the class, a 33% decrease compared to his own. I also cannot get over the fact that he is egoistically acting as if he was part of the class. Please, there are areas where you belong. If it isn't the other class, it isn't this class either. Keep looking.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that the blessed think they are cursed, and because of that they are surrounded by even more angels. What irks me even more is that they stand around like spectators, indifferently viewing upon the 'cursed' one with differing eyes; some smile and some don't.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that the classmate I entrusted with taking care of the pained friend in my stead has not particularly done so. I still haven't gotten over the fact that upon taking his chem file and telling him that he had better stuff to do than mug, explicitly looking at said pained friend, the next thing he does is take out the chem textbook and agree.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that the class has become a major soap opera, and there are only so many classmates left to spectate and reflect upon such.
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1: im getting out of ib! maybe. go acjc
Me: go acjc?
1: ib's really not my style. maybe newer pastures may be good. besides, id like to defy the society's expectations at least once in my life, but ill see.
Me: Does your mom know?
1: yeah she suggested it
Me: That you get out of IB?
1: possibly
Me: Why would she do that o_o
1: because i let my stress go at home, and my mom sees. thats why i can be quite happy at school. id like to let my stress go more gracefully, but ive no time for better healing sessions. and who cares about analysizing stupid pieces of text for literary devices and all? its no higher than the rat-race in the end the way its going. no amount of arty-fartyness can disguise that, and its hard too >_> for me at least.
Me: I see... Well, whatever works for you
1: im still thinking abt it; if it continues with 2am sleeping, then off i go likely.
Honestly, I cannot really picture looking forward to IB. Perhaps the last of the true ACSian GEP will end up one-third in ACJC? What a possibility.
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A kind soul just went up to me and told me not to feel discouraged about committee meetings, even though I was probably the only one who ever objected to anything while everyone else was silent. He told me that I should object to whatever I sincerely disagree with. And as a final note, he said that usually everyone is silent, and the CSM kind of expects him to keep quiet, so he does. Somehow, I felt better. Was it concern? Was it care? Was it a subtle hint for me to make use of whatever I have left before I lose it like others? To treasure what I have? I might never get to know.
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There was a quote I once heard, but I cannot remember the speaker, nor the quote itself, so all I remember is the barest of meanings. It went something like this - For those who seem to laugh the most and seem the happiest on the surface, they probably have the most profound of emotional problems all hidden deep within them.
While I shan't generalize on this because I know people bothered with 1000 semi-important things are worse off than people bothered with 2 particularly-important things, you can kind of tell that the problems you get are actually getting more and more trivial when you find yourself less able to laugh each time. Yet, if you can find your life being one of being able to laugh off problems, yet find yourself particularly disturbed by others, those problems are truly not something that normal folk that are constantly bogged down by normal life's problems can ever understand.
Please, rethink your life if you find yourself never able to smile or laugh at the smallest of problems. Those who laugh and smile at everything probably have it worse.
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