There are specific avenues of which one can be creative.
For example, there's painting, writing, thinking, speaking (the rarer variety), acting, playing music, and the like.
What's the point of being creative, though? Some instantly gawp at the stupidity of the question - isn't it plain human to be creative? Saying you’re not creative is like saying you’re not human, they cry! Some try harder, of course. Erich Fromm says that to be creative is to transcend oneself - a passive creature if you let yourself be. One seeks to create.
Well, of course that's fine and all. It makes sense, but what if one has no avenue to create?
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A sip of coffee. How long has it been since I had this taste? Reminiscence. Nostalgia. Another day of work.
The safe haven, really. Just follow. Isn't that the easiest thing to do. With no need to be a leader, no need to speak out, no need to go against the flow.
Just follow.
People around speak of a thing called identity. A rather interesting... - thing, if you have to call it, that defines a person as he is. What defines him, this identity, is crafted carefully. By him, of course. But by what of him? Assets? Liabilities? Strengths? Flaws? Actions? Or perhaps inactions?
A dance of fingers on the keyboard. My fingers do not stop. They are enthralled in this ritual, this waltz, this... aah, words fail to describe the elegance of it all. Letters appearing in lines, scrolling at a steady pace across the screen like an eternal riverflow of information and text, purely for the reading! One could of course find out all the flaws in this document, but that's rather inconsiderate, isn't it? To the letters; the river. To deny them of their elegance because of minute trivial technical superficial errors that the author just happened to overlook in a moment of folly (Who knows if said folly exists? Maybe it was deliberate! Maybe there's a deeper message in it? But who would write a deeper message knowing that people would snipe it down for grammatical errors like the superficial humans they are? Really, unimportant matters that don't need to be dwelt on), isn't that sheer cruelty?
Another sip. It feels really good. The aroma is just too good. When was it since I last had this taste?
Right. It wasn't that long ago, was it?
Good coffee, though, really. The kind that will keep you awake after an hour of hard work. Just keep it up. The end of the day will come. Reprieve. Until then, listen. Silence is golden. Silence is consent.
Silence is perfect.
Yes, that would be good. Silence. That and coffee. They fit well together, don't you think? Bread and butter, the like.
My colleague comes over and chats. Trivial and all, but it keeps the day going and the time flowing. Life's like that, you know? Time waits for no man; same with a cup of nice, hot coffee.
I can't recall with clear precision what we talked about. Sometimes I accidentally speak my mind, I can't remember if and when I do it, but it happens. Usually people give me weird stares. It doesn't happen too often, so. I just take a bow and apologize for saying things I shouldn't. There're those who argue their point and their belief - self-justification was what it was called, I think. But what gets done in the end? Do people actually get convinced on your point? Nah, doubt it.
My fingers dance again on the keyboard. It's an irresistible urge. The clock flows slowly but steadily until the end of the day. Time does flow when you have fun, after all.
The end of the day is welcome - a silent retreat back to the house. Another world of silence, another realm of peace, another cup of coffee.
Or course, with it another sip of it.
Aah, how long as it been since I had such the wonderful taste of coffee?
---------------------------------------------------------
In hindsight I should never write something this disturbing again. >_>
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Blog Failure
Slowly but surely, I can feel that this blog is beginning to fail me.
Well, in retrospect, has the blog begun to fail me, or have I begun to fail my blog?
What has caused this? A lack of time? A lack of words? A lack of creativity? Of late, perhaps it is the fact that there are no words that I can describe what I want to talk about on this blog, and what I have words to describe with I find I cannot talk about on this blog.
It is difficult to write trivially, yet so much harder to write inversely. Should I just give up and angst every other day? The thought is really as amusing as it is frightening.
I can't even be honest and say I'll continue this. What a bugger. >_>
Well, in retrospect, has the blog begun to fail me, or have I begun to fail my blog?
What has caused this? A lack of time? A lack of words? A lack of creativity? Of late, perhaps it is the fact that there are no words that I can describe what I want to talk about on this blog, and what I have words to describe with I find I cannot talk about on this blog.
It is difficult to write trivially, yet so much harder to write inversely. Should I just give up and angst every other day? The thought is really as amusing as it is frightening.
I can't even be honest and say I'll continue this. What a bugger. >_>
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Another Star Out
Another star gone on the pathway up,
Another one till the pathway's dark.
---------------------------------------------
A long overdue post, but time waits for no man, spare time less so.
Another to the exodus. Another by June. Another by 2009. Heck, I don't even know if it's just 'another' for the latter two.
A sudden gust, a person gone,
A brighter past, a darker dawn.
Remember 2006? Remember the way we sent him off? That was a star with glory. That was a star sent off well.
What does it feel like to be a teacher?
"For these two years I shall be your teacher, and for the years after that I shall be your friend."
What does it feel like to be the one man who wouldn't feel at place at outings (Well, not always I suppose)? The man who's a master and a servant? The man making a living on helping people to grow? The man who drinks with his peers at the second last juncture?
Really, it is very much a job unlike any other. indeed, there are well-justified reasons as to why they call it a noble profession; a calling more than a job. No doubt, it is an unique one.
I shall refrain from criticisms as I know little of the situation. At best I can put it as such:
A star is gone, a time to mourn,
A time for scorn, a time forlorn.
Another one till the pathway's dark.
---------------------------------------------
A long overdue post, but time waits for no man, spare time less so.
Another to the exodus. Another by June. Another by 2009. Heck, I don't even know if it's just 'another' for the latter two.
A sudden gust, a person gone,
A brighter past, a darker dawn.
Remember 2006? Remember the way we sent him off? That was a star with glory. That was a star sent off well.
What does it feel like to be a teacher?
"For these two years I shall be your teacher, and for the years after that I shall be your friend."
What does it feel like to be the one man who wouldn't feel at place at outings (Well, not always I suppose)? The man who's a master and a servant? The man making a living on helping people to grow? The man who drinks with his peers at the second last juncture?
Really, it is very much a job unlike any other. indeed, there are well-justified reasons as to why they call it a noble profession; a calling more than a job. No doubt, it is an unique one.
I shall refrain from criticisms as I know little of the situation. At best I can put it as such:
A star is gone, a time to mourn,
A time for scorn, a time forlorn.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Caught Up
"O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,"
--------------------------------------------
Been so caught up in things that it's hard to say how I'm faring. I know worse and I know better is likely all that I can say. How vague. ._.
Camp planning has no doubt taken a toll on me (And to think that the Senior EXCO do so much more work - a certain kind of respect that somehow isn't 'I wish I could be like him' comes to mind) yet I find that I have gained something from all of this thus far.
No doubt there're those who go around saying that it's all been a waste of time, and I can't completely (or even halfheartedly) disagree with them, but there are lessons to be learned in any unknown situation and it's up to you to make use of them or not.
Kendo applications on Sun. I hope I get in o_O
The Singapore Flyer has been accused of being a boring ride to some. Isn't it the company you bring onto it that counts? A lone man at Disneyland gets a lone man's experience at Disneyland. (Damn you Klow if you dare make comments)
Still, I can't find words to describe the experience. Ah well.
Reunions are great things. The naturalness of it all is something very unseen with other gatherings.
Some kids really do say the darndest things.
"Ok, we must walk slowly and hold hands because taking the MRT is dangerouOHMYGOD ONE MINUTE TO THE TRAIN ARRIVAL RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN"
Unfortunately many events have left me with too little words. I still have a share of work to do too. ._.
O what needless pain we bear,"
--------------------------------------------
Been so caught up in things that it's hard to say how I'm faring. I know worse and I know better is likely all that I can say. How vague. ._.
Camp planning has no doubt taken a toll on me (And to think that the Senior EXCO do so much more work - a certain kind of respect that somehow isn't 'I wish I could be like him' comes to mind) yet I find that I have gained something from all of this thus far.
No doubt there're those who go around saying that it's all been a waste of time, and I can't completely (or even halfheartedly) disagree with them, but there are lessons to be learned in any unknown situation and it's up to you to make use of them or not.
Kendo applications on Sun. I hope I get in o_O
The Singapore Flyer has been accused of being a boring ride to some. Isn't it the company you bring onto it that counts? A lone man at Disneyland gets a lone man's experience at Disneyland. (Damn you Klow if you dare make comments)
Still, I can't find words to describe the experience. Ah well.
Reunions are great things. The naturalness of it all is something very unseen with other gatherings.
Some kids really do say the darndest things.
"Ok, we must walk slowly and hold hands because taking the MRT is dangerouOHMYGOD ONE MINUTE TO THE TRAIN ARRIVAL RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN"
Unfortunately many events have left me with too little words. I still have a share of work to do too. ._.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Class Bonding
A senior once commented last year about it. About the ACSian life, the ACSian IB life, how IB life is destructive in culture.
He told me what the second batch was like. He told me what the pioneer batch was like. I thought to myself that I as the third batch would be different.
I started thinking otherwise sometime in, but never gave it much thought.
Then someone reminded me again that it has been there all along.
----------------------------------------------------
The Prince: You are excused, O' Jack the Jester. The doctors have said you feel unwell and need your due rest.
The Jester: I thank the prince for his benevolence. I shall do my best to rest.
The Prince: Pardon me if I ask, though. What is wrong with you, Jack? It has been ages since you have fallen sick, and this has taken many of the family by surprise.
The Jester: I'm afraid, prince, that you will not understand the reason for which I find myself sick.
The Prince: Do you imply that I am not well-read, Jack? I assure you I am as knowledgeable as the doctors in the mainland.
The Jester: Yet it is by no disease that I find myself ill, prince. A jester may jest but when it is not in his capability to do so, neither is it in his capability to lie very well.
The Prince: What of it then? The illness.
The Jester: ...stress.
The Prince: A jester? Stressed? Surely you perform your job well even in illness.
The Jester: Perhaps I do, but in that case it is your foolishness doing my job for me. Do you remember the inclusion of the other royal house into our family?
The Prince: Yes, my brother's recent wed to the lone daughter of a particularly influential house. So much that not only does the wife have a say in political issues, even her parents do.
The Jester: Indeed. The ill-willed politics have caused my sickness.
The Prince: What do you mean? I see the House is very much intact and fine - I see my sister-in-law getting along with my brother and parents, I see the chefs cheerfully doing their jobs, and I see the maids cleaning the mansions the way they have always done. What is so different?
The Jester: Have you seen where everyone's allegiances stand?
The Prince: A slight idea.
The Jester: The two parents are at ideological oppositions. Your brother and sister-in-law find themselves rather stressed out every now and then due to the political conflicts at hand.
The Prince: I have never noticed such a thing! How can this be so? My brother has been fine every time I visit him! Speak as a person and not as a profession, Jack!
The Jester: Yet the very fact that I am sick should explain to you why your siblings are not, o prince. I must say that I do pride myself very much with a job well done, though.
The Prince: What do you mean, o Jester?
The Jester: Have you seen the kind of emotions that the two parties share with each other? Have you seen the stress on their children? Have you seen the faces of servants ill-treated by enraged masters? I assume not. I have kept this place peaceful singlehandedly, prince, and it is about time that the workload that comes from doing so get the better of me.
The Jester: Though I may be a mere Jester, I must do my job well in order to keep the bond of the House strong, o Prince. That, or perhaps a day will come where the House will collapse from its weak supports?
The Prince: Speak not of ominous words, Jack. They suit you not. Rest.
The Jester: Such might be closer than you give credit for, o Prince.
Such things closer to the heart than expected.
----------------------------------------------------
He told me what the second batch was like. He told me what the pioneer batch was like. I thought to myself that I as the third batch would be different.
I started thinking otherwise sometime in, but never gave it much thought.
Then someone reminded me again that it has been there all along.
----------------------------------------------------
The Prince: You are excused, O' Jack the Jester. The doctors have said you feel unwell and need your due rest.
The Jester: I thank the prince for his benevolence. I shall do my best to rest.
The Prince: Pardon me if I ask, though. What is wrong with you, Jack? It has been ages since you have fallen sick, and this has taken many of the family by surprise.
The Jester: I'm afraid, prince, that you will not understand the reason for which I find myself sick.
The Prince: Do you imply that I am not well-read, Jack? I assure you I am as knowledgeable as the doctors in the mainland.
The Jester: Yet it is by no disease that I find myself ill, prince. A jester may jest but when it is not in his capability to do so, neither is it in his capability to lie very well.
The Prince: What of it then? The illness.
The Jester: ...stress.
The Prince: A jester? Stressed? Surely you perform your job well even in illness.
The Jester: Perhaps I do, but in that case it is your foolishness doing my job for me. Do you remember the inclusion of the other royal house into our family?
The Prince: Yes, my brother's recent wed to the lone daughter of a particularly influential house. So much that not only does the wife have a say in political issues, even her parents do.
The Jester: Indeed. The ill-willed politics have caused my sickness.
The Prince: What do you mean? I see the House is very much intact and fine - I see my sister-in-law getting along with my brother and parents, I see the chefs cheerfully doing their jobs, and I see the maids cleaning the mansions the way they have always done. What is so different?
The Jester: Have you seen where everyone's allegiances stand?
The Prince: A slight idea.
The Jester: The two parents are at ideological oppositions. Your brother and sister-in-law find themselves rather stressed out every now and then due to the political conflicts at hand.
The Prince: I have never noticed such a thing! How can this be so? My brother has been fine every time I visit him! Speak as a person and not as a profession, Jack!
The Jester: Yet the very fact that I am sick should explain to you why your siblings are not, o prince. I must say that I do pride myself very much with a job well done, though.
The Prince: What do you mean, o Jester?
The Jester: Have you seen the kind of emotions that the two parties share with each other? Have you seen the stress on their children? Have you seen the faces of servants ill-treated by enraged masters? I assume not. I have kept this place peaceful singlehandedly, prince, and it is about time that the workload that comes from doing so get the better of me.
The Jester: Though I may be a mere Jester, I must do my job well in order to keep the bond of the House strong, o Prince. That, or perhaps a day will come where the House will collapse from its weak supports?
The Prince: Speak not of ominous words, Jack. They suit you not. Rest.
The Jester: Such might be closer than you give credit for, o Prince.
Such things closer to the heart than expected.
----------------------------------------------------
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