Sometimes I feel like a little baba in the world trying to accomplish great things, with nothing but the thought that "wouldn't it be awesome if we pulled this off". It's kinda different from all the people going about thinking "I need this to get into Harvard" or "This had better look good on my CV" - there's a lack of pragmatic drive in it, if you will.
At times it makes me feel like there's a certain lack of purpose in my life. While I justify it at times with the idea that a person who's capable of many different things should just try many different things rather than specializing, really it reeks of lack of direction from certain perspectives.
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Someone asked me why it was good for him to try to be serious when he was generally a joker. When I said that since he was already good at being a joker he should try learning to be serious so he could do both nicely - he considered it schizophrenic.
Hmm. Wonder what that says about me.
Speaking about that, I really wonder whether strangers and acquaintances see me as scary or weird or both.
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The love I see around me feels so insanely bittersweet tragedy-ish. Two I'd have written a tragedy of, one I'd have written a tragicomedy of (pray ask not what the comedy is) and one I'd write a sheer comedy out of (and perhaps stuff it in some heartbroken box under the table)
Of the many things I'm thankful for, one of them stays that I shan't be finding myself in their shoes for very long.
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