The blogpost was going to be a rather angry/annoyed one, but I guess I can thank two nice people for changing that. As interesting as you said the blogpost might be, I decided against it, haha. Instead perhaps I shall make this something more relevant and serene (At least one would laugh by that word usage, and hopefully that's as far as it goes. Aah what a lie, you're laughing at this too aren'tya.)
何気ない毎日の一秒一秒が 宝石よりも価値がある 宝物
-- you (Cry) -- Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni
It's with certain melancholy that the endyear exams head over towards us. I've worked pretty hard, I think. Compared to past years, at least.
I still remember how much I hated myself in May (How ironic that someone out there must've been so happy while I was in the pits, and perhaps how more ironic of this statement in itself.)
It's interesting how much hating yourself can push you forward, isn't it? But to say the truth it wasn't hate that kept me going.
The first few times I went for tuition I did the homework on the day before. I considered it a burden that I had to go through to make sure I didn't make the mistake that the me in the past would have. It took a while, and more importantly, as much as this sounds fake, it actually took you to place some confidence in me before I actually started to enjoy tuition. (By this point I've called three different people 'you' already. Oh well) Maybe the link isn't clear, but honestly, thanks.
In one term alone, I've really changed alot, haven't I? Honestly, I don't think I've been as happy or as sad as I've been recently in a very long time. I don't think I've had emotions as true as I do now in a long time. And I've already come close to crying twice, once today; and I doubt I'll be this close in a long time.
All this time, have you (Still 3rd, this is a general you) ever considered that this very moment, as ordinary, as pathetic, as stressful, as amusing, as queer, as depressing, as heartwrenching, as broken and fragmented as it is, could be very well your happiest moment for a very long time to come? Let's not even talk about your life ending tomorrow. It could very well get better. It could very well stay the same forever.
It could very well all just disappear in a short moment's notice and you wouldn't even have the chance to try and catch it.
I've always considered the wind to be a beautiful thing because of how you could feel its presence all around you but you were completely powerless in trying to catch it. All of a sudden, the breeze is gone, and as much as you'd like it to stay you just move on.
When you realize the beauty of something, it's always when it's too late and it's about to leave, isn't it? How every single second of every ordinary day bears more value than even gems. And the beauty of it all is that it will never last.
For some reason I watched a simple MAD of Lucky Star and somehow, just somehow, I nearly cried. A friend was telling me about how he was reading A Game of Cards and somehow, just somehow, he just started to cry. It's all association; a very painful one at that.
Life honestly hasn't been so fulfilling as it has been in this semester in some time. Of course it could be more, and of course it could've been less. But for each second and each ordinary day, I don't think I could be much happier. I've been rash, I've been foolish, I've been a bastard and an asshole, I've been happy, I've been glad, I've been serene (the first 'you' would be laughing again), and I've felt horrendously lonely and amazingly loved.
There're the readers who're younger and won't be able to fully understand this feeling. There're the readers who're the same age and probably can associate with this. There're the readers who're a slight bit older and know the feeling, and know that I know nothing about the feeling two years from now. And there're the readers who're even older than that and know what it's like to be me, what it's like to get past being me and know what it's like to be them.
But all the readers probably have something in common, don't they? Times they treasure.
The title of the blogpost was Halcyon Days, a quote admittedly taken from an anime (though a stock quote, I hadn't even heard of it until then) which I don't even like that much. I don't even know how true it is to name this such. I could very well look back at this blogpost and laugh at the foolishness of the me writing this at 1 minute into 30th September 2007.
Come Monday, if rumours are correct, ACSI will no longer be the same again with the leaving of some people. For these individuals, maybe their halcyon days have already past. And as much as I have made nil impact on these individuals, their presence alone have made all the difference. If things go as rumours predict, I fear there will be nothing about the ACSI in 2008 that I can say about the ACSI in 2007. And ironically, there's already so little about the ACSI in 2007 that I can compare with the ACSI in 2006, and before then it was perfectly fine. Guess what changed it all, huh?
For some seniors, maybe the end of the journey is their halcyon days. Maybe after 12, 9, 6 or even 2 years, they have walked in the company of heroes (Sorry for stealing the line, Gid), among the ranks of Scholars, Officers and Gentlemen. Maybe this will be the same for me in two years time.
But somehow, I just get the feeling that this is already it.
I've made promises with a few friends. Jarrel would scoff at that, but what's done's been done. I must apologize in advance if I never get to keep my word to them. And honestly, there's still so much I want to say. But I think I should keep it to this.
When you read this, could you leave a footprint on this simple blogpost? In case I ever forget, let this small mark be a proof of a moment's cross between two threads of man in the intertwined web of life, whether you're someone to me, anyone to me, or even no one to me.
Farewell, Halcyon Days.
No comments:
Post a Comment