Family

8pm. I stare at the fountain just outside Belt 18 and 19. Staring. Various thoughts run through my mind staring at the fountain, yet none of them really make much of an impact, rather lingering around more like a mere afterthought rather than something I focused on.

My mind keeps drifting back to an individual - a particularly recent fragment of my past. Somehow my mind stays on the individual despite the clear lack of reason for it to. Thinking too much about it begins to hurt. Yet the sound of water calms me down, just enough for me to keep my cool.

8.30. I move back to Belt 16 where they're supposed to appear. My mind still drifts back to her. Occasionally it goes back to the matter at hand. How should I greet them? What do they look like now? How're they? What should I do? It feels uneasy remaining on this subject, yet whatever my mind drifted to wasn't much of a better choice.

8.46. The plane lands. I glance at the passageway where everyone comes down the flight of steps, waving at anyone past the glass wall whom they recognize. The few that come out are either flight attendants or people I don't recognize.

5 children hug the glass wall, all looking intently past it and hoping to see the face of someone they have been away from for a period of time, long or short. Families and friends around me look up, anxious to see anyone they recognize. Compared to the laid-back person leaning against the railings and staring half-heartedly past the glass, they really must miss whoever it is they're looking for.

9.10. The baggage starts unloading. One of the 5 children, a girl of around 9, starts waving. For once my line of sight with the passageway is blocked. Yet I feel nothing for or against her enthusiasm. She has something to be enthusiastic about, and she's sincere about it. What about me? Slowly but surely I feel more confused. More questions start floating around my mind. And yet my mind still finds time to drift towards her.

9.15. The girl runs towards the entrance to greet her sibling or friend. Soon enough I see the two I was waiting for. All the questions start coming up in my head. Then I saw something.

For a moment, I suddenly saw them act like the way they were, 3 years ago. Right there, I nearly laughed, but kept it to a smile. That's right. They were still them. And I was still myself. Just say what I would say. Just do the things I would do.

9.30. The three of us are on the car. The two of them talk to each other for a while. I keep silent. A few hours back Mom was commenting on how she missed Godwin when he went to Brunei for NS. I decided to butt in, saying that I didn't really miss him and all and got used to his absence pretty quickly.

It takes loss for you to suddenly realize what it was you had gained, and how easy it was to lose it. It takes other people for you to suddenly realize what it was that you had lost in the first place.

Did I talk like that with my brother? Was it really like that?

And that moment I realized that I actually did lose something 8 months back, when he left.

And that moment I realized that blood may very well be thicker than water.

And yet, despite all that,

my mind still drifts back.