Fragmentations

Currently I find myself chatting with a rather reflective and contemplative hamster while having my cousin behind my back.

I don't really find any words to speak. I don't really know if she's staring this way either. Occasionally I wonder what exactly goes on in her mind and what exactly she thinks of me, but I suppose it goes the other way round as well. And on a larger scale, that's not a very unique feeling; it's something that applies to everybody anyway.

She just went up. By that reaction I can't tell whether she was staring this way or not, but I can find out. The only thing keeping me from doing so is that such an action caused a lot of foolishness on my part three years ago. Perhaps I should continue even then?

If she were here I would have found out whether she was staring this way by the end of that paragraph.

The feeling of how others view you is generally reflective of how comfortable you are with the person, at least from the way I see it. I do not really consider much on the impression I make on the friends and acquaintances around me, yet I do moreso for my family.

There's another person I consider much of, a friend I consider myself; yet I've been making an effort to ensure that I get along well with myself.

There're those whose personalities feel consistent with their outward self. There're those whose personalities are to an extent farcical and need their true colours to be revealed. And then there're those whose true personalities only exist towards themselves or perhaps only to the Wired, Lain-like and unlike at the same time.

Am I selfish? Am I doing this correctly? Am I doing this wrong? Am I going to get blamed for this? Am I currently being stared at by someone for whatever reason? Atypical questions really, and the fact that I might have considered myself to be unique for such reasons can count towards a sin, one of the ego and a rather guilt-inducing one at that.

I write stories to get a message, convey a meaning, and so on. Yet all this has a target audience in mind, be it a group or an individual. Yet all my target audiences lie within my mind now. What's a child to do?