I still haven't gotten over losing out my place in HCL to others due to a 17-mark difference caused by Zhao Ju.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that others decide to do HCL despite getting a B4 because 'they couldn't care less about a D7 being displayed on my IB cert and because I know I can do it' when I know I care and would do something about it apart from placing my faith in the high heavens and praying that the diceroll turns out as anything lower than 7, the number most commonly thrown (Irony for non-christians, but that's digressing). I still haven't gotten over the fact that unlike the B4 people who got in, I can easily say that I display far more competence in the language than them. Heck lah, I got screwed over in oral for going off-topic probably making them have merits when I have a pass. I'm seriously sick of hearing people taking HCL O-Levels go 'uh... uh... uh...' more than 5 times every time they say something.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that the general who demands that all soldiers prepare for the upcoming war is met with an adjustments in plans, sending him off somewhere else.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that I've suicidal classmates in class thinking it's perfectly fine to die because they have had a good life. I particularly cannot accept that his best friends are doing nothing about that because of such a reason.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that said suicidal classmate doesn't so much as look at the friends who defend his death till their own, instead of being close by whenever they themselves have issues.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that a stranger enters my class because he is disliked by 2/3rds the class, a 33% decrease compared to his own. I also cannot get over the fact that he is egoistically acting as if he was part of the class. Please, there are areas where you belong. If it isn't the other class, it isn't this class either. Keep looking.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that the blessed think they are cursed, and because of that they are surrounded by even more angels. What irks me even more is that they stand around like spectators, indifferently viewing upon the 'cursed' one with differing eyes; some smile and some don't.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that the classmate I entrusted with taking care of the pained friend in my stead has not particularly done so. I still haven't gotten over the fact that upon taking his chem file and telling him that he had better stuff to do than mug, explicitly looking at said pained friend, the next thing he does is take out the chem textbook and agree.
I still haven't gotten over the fact that the class has become a major soap opera, and there are only so many classmates left to spectate and reflect upon such.
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1: im getting out of ib! maybe. go acjc
Me: go acjc?
1: ib's really not my style. maybe newer pastures may be good. besides, id like to defy the society's expectations at least once in my life, but ill see.
Me: Does your mom know?
1: yeah she suggested it
Me: That you get out of IB?
1: possibly
Me: Why would she do that o_o
1: because i let my stress go at home, and my mom sees. thats why i can be quite happy at school. id like to let my stress go more gracefully, but ive no time for better healing sessions. and who cares about analysizing stupid pieces of text for literary devices and all? its no higher than the rat-race in the end the way its going. no amount of arty-fartyness can disguise that, and its hard too >_> for me at least.
Me: I see... Well, whatever works for you
1: im still thinking abt it; if it continues with 2am sleeping, then off i go likely.
Honestly, I cannot really picture looking forward to IB. Perhaps the last of the true ACSian GEP will end up one-third in ACJC? What a possibility.
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A kind soul just went up to me and told me not to feel discouraged about committee meetings, even though I was probably the only one who ever objected to anything while everyone else was silent. He told me that I should object to whatever I sincerely disagree with. And as a final note, he said that usually everyone is silent, and the CSM kind of expects him to keep quiet, so he does. Somehow, I felt better. Was it concern? Was it care? Was it a subtle hint for me to make use of whatever I have left before I lose it like others? To treasure what I have? I might never get to know.
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There was a quote I once heard, but I cannot remember the speaker, nor the quote itself, so all I remember is the barest of meanings. It went something like this - For those who seem to laugh the most and seem the happiest on the surface, they probably have the most profound of emotional problems all hidden deep within them.
While I shan't generalize on this because I know people bothered with 1000 semi-important things are worse off than people bothered with 2 particularly-important things, you can kind of tell that the problems you get are actually getting more and more trivial when you find yourself less able to laugh each time. Yet, if you can find your life being one of being able to laugh off problems, yet find yourself particularly disturbed by others, those problems are truly not something that normal folk that are constantly bogged down by normal life's problems can ever understand.
Please, rethink your life if you find yourself never able to smile or laugh at the smallest of problems. Those who laugh and smile at everything probably have it worse.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Riezz and Astra
Riezz: What is it that you see, Astra? Serenity? Shining Hope? It's rather amazing that you can maintain such interest in the celestial world.
Astra: I see what you see in it, Riezz - A world of glittering white stardust. To some, perhaps, they may even be called pixels, but I'd rather not give them such cruel treatment. It is rather condescending to call them creations of humankind, after all.
Riezz: What then, makes you different from I, who but glances at the stars every night?
Astra: Have you ever seen the stars change?
Riezz: Yes. They are different from place to place.
Astra: That's what makes us different. The stars are always there to look down upon us. Whether we see it is another matter.
Riezz: So whoever seeks them finds them?
Astra: Not quite. Since the dawn of civilization, people have relied upon the celestial world to lead them to their next destination. Was it not the stars that led three wise men on a journey that gave birth to the era of Anno Domini? The stars have always led people onto the next path. To humans of ages past, stars have been a source of hope and of destiny.
Riezz: Then what of this land, with its starless sky?
Astra: The stars have always been there to look down upon us. What do you see upon this land?
Riezz: A glistering city under a soulless night with a silent moon.
Astra: Where are the stars that have been everbright?
Riezz: ...not here?
Astra: That's where you're wrong. They have been there since the dawn of man, and will continue as so. Radiance has always been relative to others. Would a candlelight be prominent in a ballroom of chandeliers? Rather, it is the realm of creeping darkness that lets the lonely flame shine ablaze. We have taken the stars from the skies, Riezz, and scattered them across the land. Don't you think so? We have created hope for ourselves after so long. Look at the sky. what do you see?
Riezz: Clouds amongst the starless black sky?
Astra: They are the mirrors of nature. When the sky is sad and overcast, the clouds are grey. When the sky is an eternal azure, the clouds are white and far-reaching. And look at them now. they glow faintly with the light of the earth. Our light. They have never done as such for the stars, nor the moon.
Riezz: But what if the clouds go dark again? What if they disappear into the starless sky? What if the lights of the earth are gone?
Astra: They simply return to the sky. And they watch over us again, like they have always done.
Astra: I see what you see in it, Riezz - A world of glittering white stardust. To some, perhaps, they may even be called pixels, but I'd rather not give them such cruel treatment. It is rather condescending to call them creations of humankind, after all.
Riezz: What then, makes you different from I, who but glances at the stars every night?
Astra: Have you ever seen the stars change?
Riezz: Yes. They are different from place to place.
Astra: That's what makes us different. The stars are always there to look down upon us. Whether we see it is another matter.
Riezz: So whoever seeks them finds them?
Astra: Not quite. Since the dawn of civilization, people have relied upon the celestial world to lead them to their next destination. Was it not the stars that led three wise men on a journey that gave birth to the era of Anno Domini? The stars have always led people onto the next path. To humans of ages past, stars have been a source of hope and of destiny.
Riezz: Then what of this land, with its starless sky?
Astra: The stars have always been there to look down upon us. What do you see upon this land?
Riezz: A glistering city under a soulless night with a silent moon.
Astra: Where are the stars that have been everbright?
Riezz: ...not here?
Astra: That's where you're wrong. They have been there since the dawn of man, and will continue as so. Radiance has always been relative to others. Would a candlelight be prominent in a ballroom of chandeliers? Rather, it is the realm of creeping darkness that lets the lonely flame shine ablaze. We have taken the stars from the skies, Riezz, and scattered them across the land. Don't you think so? We have created hope for ourselves after so long. Look at the sky. what do you see?
Riezz: Clouds amongst the starless black sky?
Astra: They are the mirrors of nature. When the sky is sad and overcast, the clouds are grey. When the sky is an eternal azure, the clouds are white and far-reaching. And look at them now. they glow faintly with the light of the earth. Our light. They have never done as such for the stars, nor the moon.
Riezz: But what if the clouds go dark again? What if they disappear into the starless sky? What if the lights of the earth are gone?
Astra: They simply return to the sky. And they watch over us again, like they have always done.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
Chinese New Year
Chinese New Year, that time again. For this year, it's grander for me because it's more than just CNY. My grandfather's 80th birthday is today (the 19th), making it that more of my extended family is present for the occasion, meaning those from Australia came along as well (Except for Mel because she has school and didn't apply for leave. Oh well, her loss in terms of angpaos.)
In a way, it really does make you feel alot older. Seeing cousins from Australia being so different in size (And not in personality) over a 3-year period... well, let's say it's like meeting a long-lost friend to a lesser extent, since the earliest I remember Matt and Mel was from 1997, and possibly earlier. Of course, everything's changed from then, and I've stopped pulling little girls' hair. Irregardless, it's... nostalgic seeing a friend whom you last met in secondary school now at university. I wonder what Mel would be like come Christmas, haha.
Beyond that, looking at all the relatives gathered together being more than usual reminds you that your grandfather's 80 this year, and soon it'll be your grandmother's turn (Well, in most cases in S'pore anyway, given how the age of people entering university is different for S'porean males and females. But they're older than that, so this is a moot point. Meh >_>), and next will be your father, and your mother, and onwards. Keeping in mind lessons from Geography about the aging population of Singapore, it just makes it feel more real.
But, I think the most important thing, is to look your age in the face, and throw it off to the side immediately. Who cares about your age? My parents and relatives don't view their being together for grandfather's 80th birthday (can you call it an anniversary? XD) and Chinese New Year as an opportunity to reflect on themselves, they view it as a rare chance to freaking sing karaoke for 7 hours straight from 7 o'clock until freaking 2.30 am, damnit. Just have fun while you're there. I suppose I'm blessed because I have one brother, one brother-in-law, one sister and one cousin (Just enough to have mahjong with an audience) but to those who don't, why not try and join in? If not for mahjong and poker I'd probably find myself singing along with the older folk to 燃烧吧火鸟 and 热情的沙漠, and perhaps for some of you you could just sit back and watch people play mahjong and learn; who knows? Maybe by Wei Hua's birthday party you can take everyone on and win alot.
Ignoring the need for an actual conclusion, I shall just leave it at this. Getting home at 1.30am on Sunday and 3.30am the next day due to immense karaoke sessions on part of your parents takes its toll on your mind and is really tiring.
In a way, it really does make you feel alot older. Seeing cousins from Australia being so different in size (And not in personality) over a 3-year period... well, let's say it's like meeting a long-lost friend to a lesser extent, since the earliest I remember Matt and Mel was from 1997, and possibly earlier. Of course, everything's changed from then, and I've stopped pulling little girls' hair. Irregardless, it's... nostalgic seeing a friend whom you last met in secondary school now at university. I wonder what Mel would be like come Christmas, haha.
Beyond that, looking at all the relatives gathered together being more than usual reminds you that your grandfather's 80 this year, and soon it'll be your grandmother's turn (Well, in most cases in S'pore anyway, given how the age of people entering university is different for S'porean males and females. But they're older than that, so this is a moot point. Meh >_>), and next will be your father, and your mother, and onwards. Keeping in mind lessons from Geography about the aging population of Singapore, it just makes it feel more real.
But, I think the most important thing, is to look your age in the face, and throw it off to the side immediately. Who cares about your age? My parents and relatives don't view their being together for grandfather's 80th birthday (can you call it an anniversary? XD) and Chinese New Year as an opportunity to reflect on themselves, they view it as a rare chance to freaking sing karaoke for 7 hours straight from 7 o'clock until freaking 2.30 am, damnit. Just have fun while you're there. I suppose I'm blessed because I have one brother, one brother-in-law, one sister and one cousin (Just enough to have mahjong with an audience) but to those who don't, why not try and join in? If not for mahjong and poker I'd probably find myself singing along with the older folk to 燃烧吧火鸟 and 热情的沙漠, and perhaps for some of you you could just sit back and watch people play mahjong and learn; who knows? Maybe by Wei Hua's birthday party you can take everyone on and win alot.
Ignoring the need for an actual conclusion, I shall just leave it at this. Getting home at 1.30am on Sunday and 3.30am the next day due to immense karaoke sessions on part of your parents takes its toll on your mind and is really tiring.
Monday, February 12, 2007
英华新年
贺新年 祝新年
DBQ, 那么闲
过新年还需要做测验
贺新年 祝新年
GOH, 还要练
新年不如平常星期天
虽然直到初三不用上学
今天需要复习到日夜
贺新年 祝新年
希望功课会很浅
也愿大家都过个太平年...
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Happy Chinese New Year to all, irregardless of the issues. =)
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