School Life

Less and less I feel like blogging. It's quite a weird feeling, really. It's... just... this need to go on a hiatus for other commitments.

If I really want to blog about something I need to blog about then well, let's say that things will become ultra-contraband and there's things I don't need people like SZ, Mel, etc seeing. But they view this blog anyway so I shall refrain.

And no, I won't tell just because you ask.

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Stress just keeps building up on me. Something you wouldn't normally hear from me, right? Haha.

I'm pretty stressed out right now. I REALLY REALLY don't want to do homework but yeah, I have to. In this time, I seriously need to find my own identity, soul-searching, understanding myself. Not some assignment given to me. Sorry, just had to say it. I mean, geez dangit. I can't concentrate for a single moment. Thoughts just keep rushing in, rushing out, flying around and refusing to be caught when I decide to blog. It's quite a pain, really.

Memories flow back to me quite often now. The time I got beaten up by Jireh and Caleb. Then I bit Dickson (Funny how I always thought his name was spelled Dixen.) and he hit me with his waterbottle. Then it was a very very bad scolding by Mr. Michael Chan. Not that he was fierce. It was the guilt. I saw what I did to Dickson. And I remembered what Jireh and Caleb did to me. Thinking now, I wonder how I would have felt if the person I bit was Jireh or Caleb instead of Dickson? Sigh.

P4...nevermind, look to the top to see why I shan't talk about this.

The pain of keeping secrets. The burden. It pains me. I need to get a blog where I can post the darker side of stuff. *sigh* One where only people like Zhang would view, because I know for one that they're the people I trust and the people I can rely on.

My parents. How much do they know me, really? My mom thinks that the philosophy I read up on during the June hols were storybooks. My dad comes up with the most stupid methods of getting the family together. But they're nice people. I can for one appreciate my dad's fetching me to school everyday, and my mom washing my clothes. Oh, and my mom cooks, not me. That's one thing to be glad about too. I have bad memories of cooking >_> I want to repay their kindness, but how? They need to understand my needs before I can understand theirs. Or is it the other way round? *sigh*

People... relations... friends... how real are they in reality? The failure of humans to understand another human well is something that makes sure clairvoyance is amazingly impossible to find. But seriously, how much do you really know about your best friend? Quoted from elsewhere, it's easier to bare your bottom than to bare your soul. But I need someone to bare my soul to. Everyone does at some time.

The closer you get to someone, the more you talk to somebody, the more you realize how different they really are from the words of others. I remember hearing other people talk about Mong last time. All I knew about him was his emotional disfunction (and I don't even know if that's true). When I made fun of him (playing soccer) from the windows of 1.13, he seemed to get angry at me. I continued with my bad impression of him. But then, when I was next to him and made fun of him, I realized that he managed to take my insults without hurling back one at me. Somehow, that resistance amazed me. I suppose this won't apply for others, but I managed to hold some respect for him after that. Which is also why I call him Michael Ong instead of Mong >_>

SZ. When I first got into 1.12 I thought he was some kind of joker or whatnot. Some stupid fella. Obsessing over Yu-Gi-Oh all the time. Anyway. Move on to Sec 2. My impression him betters someewhat. But I still was of the opinion he was some kinda deprived kid with a demented childhood. After being friends with him for some time, I suddenly realize how wrong I was. SZ's resolve is actually quite strong compared to most people. Then again, he faces something I never had: Alienation. Nevermind. Why am I talking about one of my daily blog-readers anyway. >_>

Jun Yi. I always thought he was being evil and mean to Sheu Zhi for no reason. He was still nice to people like me, but I still didn't like him too much because of how he treated SZ. I remember how seeing how Justin's mom treated Justin made me change my opinion of him SOMEWHAT (I still dislike him to a certain extent). It was the same with Jun Yi. Parents influence how their children turn out. If a parent brings up his child with too much care, then the child is pampered and spoilt. Likewise, if a parent refuses to give a child any love, then the child will grow up with a dark view on the world. Which is what happened to Jun Yi. If anyone actually knows how his mother treats him (Worlds apart from mine, that I know), you'd grow much sympathy for him too. I mean, whose parents throw death threats at their child? He has some very screwed up parents.

Zhang... despite all the randomness and constantly trying to make me 'happy', I actually quite appreciate it somewhat. But Zhang, remember. Serenity is what I like, not happiness. And they are different.

Mike. How do I put it. My impression of him has worsened somewhat. Perhaps it's jealousy, perhaps it's rivalry, perhaps it's just me. But I don't really like people who just jump at conclusions when judging people. People cannot be viewed in black and white. But that is what so many people do. Well, I guess I can't say that my friendship with him went down the drain, just distanced... somewhat.

KW. He's an interesting fella. He's the only one I don't mind constantly whining about Boey because I make fun of him out of it. It describes his personality quite well. XD He's a cute and likable fella (No, I'm not gay.) but man is he good at nearly everything. Sports, studies, looks and personality, it's as if he's Mr. Right. XD Sorry, I just like making fun of him. Yet he still manages fine friendships with people like Daniel (Whom I make fun of quite often too >_>), Kevin Low, etc. He's quite an admirable fellow, I have to admit.

Kevin Low. Let's just say that given the amount of trouble the vice-chair has given him I'm surprised he hasn't started to hate me yet. Thanks for putting up with me for so long. >_>

Jarrel. Same with KL. You're a good man, but your EQ is pathetic. Well, that's you, right? Can't change that. That just means you're a good man with a bad EQ. Lol, pretty rare eh.

Gid. I don't know. It's as if I know so much about him, but then it's also as if I know absolutely nothing about him. I've been with him for 7 years now. Yet so many things set us apart. He's like this enigmatic person I never really truly know.

*sigh* I'm thinking so much nowadays. About all the things I've been through. What use are they? What have I learnt? What is my future?

Sometimes, I realize that Asakura Yoh's goal really is tougher to achieve than running for president. Because it requires more than hard work. I suppose that's the only way to having an easy life. *sigh* The irony, huh? Haha.

Well, my thoughts are done for today. Farewell, and thanks for reading my blog. It's assuring to know that even though I just put my thoughts here there's people among my readers who care about what I write here. =)