Sunday, January 13, 2008

Of NYAA, of Family, of alot of things

Tomorrow begins an 18-month long uphill journey towards the NYAA Gold Award, the first six months being life being an asshole and throwing the storm in even before the calm has begun. Well, actually there was one, just that two weeks really pales in comparison to twenty-four.

Meanwhile as my journey is about to begin, some ironically begin to end their journey with the receiving of the NYAA Gold Booklet. I bear certain mixed feelings in regards to these people, especially criterion fulfillment. Trade secrets just aren't something I'm comfortable with, especially if people go around boasting about it. Well, it's a minority, but I do take the rather aggressive stand that one who doesn't go about something with the right attitude and mannerisms is hardly deserving of any credit in regards to that. Loopholes, however legal, weren't designed with garnering respect in mind.

But then again that's the voice of a single person out against the crowd. And I have to admit, that's a pretty damn impressive crowd there.

At this very same time school life begins with the storm. With the release of the classes; I dread, thinking that along with the excitement that comes with this also comes the depressing realization that school has begun proper and the beginning of the hellhole known as IB has come.

Nearing the end of the CSSP section of my life my bro will be coming back. Depending on the time that he comes back, he may see a very different side of me. Whether it's an "I'm doing so much stuff that I could pretty much die" or an "I've just done a whole lot of stuff and it just ended so I'm pretty much dead but hey it can only get better from here" OR the most coincidental "I'm about to die for the next 5 days so I'll be seeing you in zombie form in 5 day's time cya" kind of state.

Occasionally the thought of what life will be like once he is back springs into my head, especially because I've (sad to say) been doing better around without him here and there being an overall nuisance to me >_> Will my grades head for the better or for the worse? Well, it's not like I can carry out an experiment with him around the house and with him without, so it's not really such an important issue in the first place. >_>

Another thought occasionally springs to mind as to what life would be like if a cousin of mine wasn't actually a cousin but rather a twin sister. We did joke around a bit about it, but really, the thought does come to mind especially since our birthdays are less than a week apart. Well, using that alone as reason is actually rather disturbing because I rather not think about the point of time where I might want DN to be my twin brother. Oh god the thought of it was quite freaky. But I seem to be far more fond of the idea otherwise. At the best I wouldn't be in this state where I think I'm the worst person on earth and at the very least I wouldn't be so bored, especially with someone like her around.

Thinking about the year ahead really feels rather depressing at times. Thinking about the fact that my future consists of 5 consecutive days of not going back home until 6 or later isn't something particularly pleasant, and thinking that this is going to be normal life even less so. Yet life is as it is and life goes on.

It's also a rather depressing thought to note that of recent I've been more and more incapable of writing. It's more related to the state of my existence; whether I want to pass a message to anyone, to tell a story or just random thought. Is it a lack of idealism in my life? A sudden change towards a desire for silence? I don't really know what kind of person I am right now, sadly.

It was in my interests to continue, but I find the time rather late right now. And as much as I would like to continue it tomorrow I find my willpower lacking these days.

It does feel like the few years back where I wrote rather fragmented blogposts. Perhaps I may end up this way for a while.

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