Random musings

覚えていますか。　あたしのこと。　昔のこと。　…覚えてない？　…ハア。　しょうがないな…　せっかく出会ったのに。　まあ、いいか。　最初から始めようか。

あたしとあなたの初めての出会いは七年前のことだ。その時のあんたはそんなにちっちゃかったわよ。　覚える？　覚えない？　残念。　すっごく可愛かったよ。　…いや、そういう意味じゃないから…

いつもの話、覚える？　寝る前の話。　未来のこととか、夢のこととか、恋のこととか…　本当に覚えないのか？　あんた。

毎朝一緒に学校へ行く。　毎晩一緒にベッドに寝る。　毎日君と一緒に明日へ進む。



覚えたの？　



そうよ。

あたしはね。

昔のあんただよ。

好きだよ、昔の君。　今の君。　そして未来の君。

この七年間、　どうだった？　つらかったかな？　楽しかったかな？　悲しかったかな？

今日はね。　あんたとあたしだけ。　明日まで話し合おう。　昔のこと。　昨日のこと。　今日のこと。　そして未来のこと。

本当に長かったんだね。

Memories - Neighbourhood

Bukit Timah Plaza and Beautyworld near my place used to be very good locations to go to for shopping and the like - general tourist attractions, Singaporean and Malaysians alike.

There's a very large grassy plain inbetween my house and Beautyworld. There used to be pasar malams there every once in a while - the other (perhaps the actual) reason why the area just outside my house was a popular location for tourists.

They're all gone, of course. Mom says that they've been gone ever since a pasar malam at Redhill unfortunate enough to catch fire. The government's banned them ever since. Now when I go to the Cameron Highlands (last Dec) the pasar malam there feels rather alien yet slightly nostalgic. More alien than nostalgic though.

Paddle pop used to be an absolutely wonderful ice cream. Still is, in fact. Rainbow-swirly goodness at pretty much the most affordable price (per stick) that any ice cream nowadays can hope to sell for. It's a very good thing the Esso just outside my house still sells them. I hear they're not in fashion anymore. Pity.

It really is good stuff. Gwin and I bought one stick each on the way home yesterday. He said they made paddle pop smaller these days. I said they stayed the same - we just grew up. I don't know whether I'm right or he's right. Maybe both. Maybe not. Oh well. Good stuff, though.

Waffletown was a pretty awesome place at Bukit Timah Plaza. Ever since they moved to Balmoral Plaza it's felt less like a homey cafe and more like another random outlet. Yes, I know. It does feel that way, even though it's probably the only outlet in Singapore.

There used to be a funky arcade in the middle of Bukit Timah Plaza too. I never went there, though. Wasn't too into arcades back then. I always thought about going there just to see when I grew up. I guess I never got the chance.

I never see little kids running around in the void deck playing Wizards or shooting each other down with water guns anymore. Sure, the Super Soaker series became waaaaaaaaaay less awesome once they cut production of all the good stuff (CPS =D) but I never realized it got so bad.

It's just 20 cents for a bucket of fun, too. Well, I suppose it's quite a waste of water. Oh well.

I never realized it, but the grassy plain just outside really did feel rather empty. But it felt nice having an empty plain just... there. Once in a while you would see people fly RC planes (or helis, whichever they had). Now all you see are white walls and the occasional turqoiuse board saying "MRT Line coming your way",

Maybe Beautyworld will end up being a nice place to go to again.

Exams

It's hubris.

Hubris, I tell you.

Only my Lang Arts results are keeping me from breaking something right now.

A letter from the past; a letter from the future

To: The Me of the Future.

Dear Me of the Future:

Hi there, me. I'm sure you know who I am, so introductions aren't necessary. It's been a while, hasn't it? If you can't remember, I'm 15. I'm sorry about not knowing how old you are, but I can't help it. I don't know the future.

How's life for you? What're you doing right now? Where are you? How're your parents? Friends? Doing fine? Mine are.

I know you're wondering why I'm writing a letter to you. There's some things I can only tell you. I can't tell anyone else - not my friends, not my parents, no one. They're my pains and problems, and only I can listen to them. I know it's a bit selfish, but please let me take up a bit of your precious time while you read this.

I miss the past.

I miss the fun I had as a child. Playing at the playground with whoever comes along. Catching, freeze and melt, crocodile, and blind mice. The carefree days that will never return.

I miss my childhood.

Life currently is all about work. All about competition. All about aiming high. I can't take any of that. I'm afraid of turning into you. I've no idea what it feels like to be you. Will it be scary? Will it be painful? Will it be sad? I don't know. Sometimes life is good. But what if it disappears? Will it be gone forever? Will I never see it again? Will the future eternally be bleaker than the present?

I'm breaking down.

I want to cry. I'm afraid. I can't take life. It's tough. I don't know who to confide in. I can only confide in you. Myself. No one else. Who else do I share this heart with? Who else can I share this heart with?

I'm going to give up. I'm going to cry. I'm going to disappear. It's painful. Who do I listen to?

My heart keeps getting broken. Shattered. Smashed by the life around me. The stress and pain of it all.

I can't carry on. I miss the past. I'm afraid of the future.

Love,
Me.

--------------------------------------------------------------

To: The Me of the Past

Dear Me of the Past,

Thank you for your letter. It's been very long since I kept in touch with you, hasn't it? Time flies, and before you know it you're many many years older. I'm a bit insecure about this, so I'll have to keep it a secret from you, sorry.

There're many things I'd like to say to you, the 15-year old me. But most of that will have to come in later letters. Let's do the most important things now, shall we?

I miss the past too.

It's true. The past shines brightly. But dear, you have to realize that there is a difference between "the past was full of good times" and "the past was full of good times too". People can only see the bad side of the present, rarely the good. Yet people can only see the good side of the past, rarely the bad. Life right now is better than you think. Believe me - I like my life right now, and the past still shines as brightly. Even the time you're living in right now.

Believe in yourself.

Find out who you are. I don't know how or when I did it, so I can't give you any advice here. But never stop asking, no matter how painful it may be at times. The day you stop asking who you are and why you do things you cease to be yourself. You cease to live, only exist. And once you cease to live you fail to realize the beauty of life right at this very moment. Life is beautiful, dear.

Keep on believing.

Please don't give up; please don't cry. When you ever feel like you're about to disappear off the face of the earth, just listen to your own voice. Listen to it. Trust it. Trust the path that you're walking down. The life of a youth is tough, stressful, painful. But trust yourself and take one step every day towards the bright future awaiting you.

Never stop believing.

Adults have it tough too. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Sometimes I feel like crying. Sometimes I feel like disappearing. Life is painful even for me. But life's sweet too. And that's life. That's how I live it.

Everything in life has a meaning. The painful times, the happy times, the sad times, the frustrating times. So don't be scared of it. There's a reason why it happens. Just embrace your dreams and keep on believing.

Keep on believing, keep on believing.

Life will be painful no matter what times you live in. Running away from pain will never be enough. So just smile. And live out every single day with a smile.

Love,
Me.

--------------------------------------------------------------

To: Me

Dear Me,

I wish for your happiness.

Love,
Me of the Present.

--------------------------------------------------------------

From a rather beautiful song. Rather unoriginal, but ah well. I shall not take credit for any idea here.

Jubeat 4th Placing

fuckyear 4th place at White Sands. The group there is quite awesome lol.

Freaking lucky considering I screwed up my first song (967 when my best was 985). Prosu Tentai Kosaku carry (995, 2nd best there. Best was 997) and decent Perfect Sky (973) makes for a 4th place (lost to 3rd place by 600 points wtf that's like the 4th digit of 6 sianzipuah)

Pro lines

"Eh you live around pasir ris one arh"
"Uh no"
"Then you play where"
"Uh dhoby ghaut"
"JI HONG WHY YOU COME ALL THE WAY HERE WHY NEVER GO CHOA CHU KANG"
(coz the top 3 people going CCK yeah)
"dhoby sunday wad so i just come here first lor"

Friendly bengs are usually quite awesome lolol

in other news: semis here i come time to get ownt by the pros lololololol

in more other news : i am now the owner of a jubeat USB clock lolol (i can't believe there are people who want to buy this at $42. wtf @ sgcafe)

End of Midyears

And the exams are over~

Though it must be said that they don't feel as much like exams as they do random extended holidays. I'm sure there're the naysayers around, but ah well. We sure as hell aren't gonna get any more days of coming home at 11-12+, then slacking around the house with friends and revising (or on free days, a good game of pool).

I've never really been a LAN person. I openly admit this.

Thank God for people who can get people together. I never could do that. I suppose that's why I didn't want to be chairman, I guess. Charisma's not in my blood.

For now, rest.

Dere for collegeboard

Cut all that I have said earlier

I am now dere for collegeboard~^^ wai~

<3

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF


WHY
WHAT HAVE I DONE
WHAT THE FUCK
IS THIS
SHIT

OH MY GOD
MY RAGE
KNOWS
NO
BOUNDS

What are exams to us?

A genie sits in the bottle, waiting to be opened. The bottle stays closed, safe in the hands of merchants and travellers, trading it like the antique it is but never wondering and considering to open the cork to marvel at the inside, only seeing it on the surface. Only the curious ever open it, and get their single wish before the genie and bottle disappear from his hands.

It appears in the hands of the first child. What do you wish for, boy?
"Every man to work for the greater good, and every man equal."
And soon he saw himself in a prosperous world.

It appears in the hands of the second child. What do you wish for, boy?
"The end to racial, gender, sexual discrimination."
And soon he saw himself a tolerant world.

It appears in the hands of the third child. What do you wish for, boy?
"The end to HIV."
And soon he saw himself in a far safer world.

It appears in the hands of the fourth child. What do you wish for, boy?
"The end to all wars."
And soon he saw himself in a war-free world.

It appears in the hands of the fifth child. What do you wish for, boy?
"World peace."
And soon he saw himself in a peaceful world. Perhaps some of you might argue - a nearly unchanged world, by this point. Perhaps so.
(Or maybe he found himself in a beauty pageant?)

It appears in the hands of the sixth child. What do you wish for, boy?
"The end to all examinations."
And the genie decided to rest.

-------------------------------------------------------

I'm sure this isn't a new story to a number of you, just a variation of the story (or perhaps message).

The children (all of unique nationalities and races too, I'm sure readers would notice) all wish for something similar - something that would have greatly improved life in their world.

I'm not gonna go around shooting down my own culture since I'm quite fine with it and all (save NS but ah well) but it's always food for thought.

But today, here's the other question.

What WOULD happen if Singapore had no exams? None of the "study hard, take tuition, do your work" and all that. None of this 'exam hard or exam smart' attitude. For once beginning-of-term-3 gossip won't be about Chem Paper 2 Question 1 (which I have been misquoted on apparently - it is actually rather @_@)

School might actually be a fun place for learning. As the raven Corrax might point out, distant utopias of learning actually do exist. Not that I actually hate school or anything, I'm just certain that a hell lot of people out there do.

But then again, why is it that we consider examinations this annual antagonist that we always spar against and attempt to intellectually best? It's not as if other countries don't have exams, they just don't put the focus on it. You don't get parents who go about forcing other kids to find out their exam results in other countries, do you? So what happens?

Perhaps it's a culture here. (Derp I just went back to culture OH WELL) You can't take the queen bee out of the hive and tell everyone else "You're free! Run off!", can you? One of them'd just take over, naturally. It's part of the hivemind. Students in Singaporean schools that don't have major examinations - ahem IP - basically have projects to make up for it.

At the same time, I realize this is rather disturbing in the sense that such tests are so deeply engrained in our culture that it has become Singaporean to be like this (Perhaps it could even be generalized to 'Asian'. But I'm doubtful of that) - much like how it's 'Singaporean' for guys to all trade NS stories once they get out of it, and the like (Random thought. Someone should have a Singaporean TV show called Gossip Guy). Do we want this as part of our culture?

I remember a Y8 senior of mine (here's another thought here. Why 'Y8'? Will it eventually reach 'Y9' and 'Y10'? Do we never actually 'leave' school?) once talked about the identity of our school IB programme. He shunned the idea of girls in school, a somewhat understandable stand considering the pioneer batch just realizing JC life will never be as awesome as his 4 years in ACS(I) as a secondary student. But it was interesting how, as he said, the identity changed with the second batch. His class was one which took green forms for fun, screamed "LAST DAY OF PE" and ponned the whole day for soccer, and the like. The next class was nowhere like that. I'm sure mine isn't too bad, but nowhere near that either.

The most disturbing thing that he felt about the identity of an ACS IB student was how drastically different the second batch had turned it into. The idea of an "IB mugger" didn't exist originally. We created it. We, as a school, during the second year of our IB programme, had a student council that thought that the IB mugger was a good identity to put on your chest and pass it on proudly to the Y6s then, telling them "be proud of being a mugger" and passing them the ever-known mug, little stick ACSians included. That same council passed the cups on to us, a new batch which gladly embraced the identity set forth by our seniors, embracing it seemingly as a school culture almost historical in nature when it had just been fresh out of the oven but a year ago.

I won't try to say that this identity was the brainchild of someone, or some group, or some batch. While I'm not certain whether this identity ACSIB now bears is inevitable, I shall try to have faith (or perhaps in this case a lack thereof) that life would turn out this way whichever parallel universe we lived in. But this is the result of a national culture inherent in us! We embraced this identity willingly, marketed it, and integrated it into our two short years here!

So back to the point. What after exams? What of us IB Muggers?

Say the genie saw the 6th kid again. What would he ask for next?