Tuesday, October 09, 2007

A Stranger's SMS

I got up the bus, crowded as ever, feeling generally pissed off. It was a rare moment of feeling pissed off with self, acquaintances, friends, family, strangers, institutions, businesses, organizations, concepts, and ideas.

"what did i do wrong? ...Message Sent." Bugger bus. Everyone's crowded around. I look around me, the nameless faceless individuals everywhere. I look over the shoulders of the person in front of me.

"don't do this to me please" and she cancelled it to "don't do this kind of things to me please". A faceless individual, yet such strong words; I can barely take it. So why do I keep looking down, over her shoulder? Why do I expose all her emotions and woes to me in that one instant, bright as day? I continue to look.

"i really can't take it when you do this to me." a single streak flowed down. Her grip was shaking very slightly. For this moment, it was as if I knew more than the other person did. I knew how sad she was. I know the effort she took in writing this short message. Everything that you didn't, and everything that you should have known.

"Message Sent." she closes it for a slight moment, her head drooped slightly more than before. What happened between this girl here and the guy that she's passing the message to? What can I understand from all this? What can I say to her? What can I do to change the situation? Nothing. I can only play observer and bear witness to this minute tragedy unfold before my eyes.

"Message Received. Open?" She fumbles around, fingers trembling slightly, head still low. "what kind of things? i never do anything wad." Almost, just almost, I could have heard something from her mouth that very instant, but it was no shout, rather a slight whimper, and her small cry for help was blocked out by the voices of the majority in the bus, constantly moving down.

"why do you keep saying that you mean nothing to me? just becoz i dun want 2 go with u then u say liddat. if its becoz i behave liddat yesterday then im really sorry please don't do this..." Why did it hurt so much just to read this, a message from a stranger to a stranger? I knew what was wrong. I didn't know what I should do, nor what could be done, nor whether I even had a right to do anything in the first place. Her pain and emotion gets to me just this small bit, yet whatever I feel now I knew that the other person would understand nothing at all.

"Message Sent." she looked up for a short while, and suddenly fumbled around again, hurriedly pushing the stop button. The slight reflection of her face in the bus window blurred every feature but her long black hair. She tried to push that one bit towards the exit.

"You getting off at this stop, girl?" A stranger, one moreso compared to her. She turned, and in that short instance that I saw her face I saw a smiling face that look more sad than anything. And when that face disappeared among the shadows, I knew that whatever I saw I will never see again, and whatever I saw he will never get to see.

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