Saturday, August 02, 2008

The beginning of seventeen

The seventeenth has come, and by the time it is gone I suspect I will be at least 5 older. Who knows how the events of next year will turn out to be?

Last August 1st hardly feels like yesterday, but the events of then foreshadow the long sequence of events that fall after, up till the actions of July 31st.

I try not to act it, but so much has changed with my 16th year. Well, of course it would - I can't really remember the very events of August anymore. But I sure as hell hope that I won't need to wake up again when September ends.

Sure, I'm not the only one who's changed. Some better, some worse. Some who develop a new status quo they can't stick with, and some who develop a new status quo they stick with a bit too well. I still don't really know where I stand in all of this.

It's interesting seeing the developments of people towards differing objects, places, cliques, areas and even people. I have to admit that from a very detached perspective the same applies to me.

Sometimes I worry. It's definitely normal to do so. And I'm one of those lucky ones who worries about what I'm not (well, according to my friends at least. I'm being very optimistic here) so life really isn't as bad for me as it is for some others. But then again, to say that this was the result I wanted isn't exactly correct. People certainly have their pitfalls and their strengths, but they all differ from person to person and they kind of even out (That's what I believe at least, on a practical level)

But who knows? I occasionally enter the realm where paranoia cannot be subdued by the firm anchors of friendship. What then? The paranoia runs loose, and some say that's how the cookie crumbles. Sucks to be in that situation, but I happen to head there every once in a while. Terrible place, really.

I wonder how the rest of the days will turn out? I wonder if I shall find in the future that the present me is once again stuck in a dream he will have to wake up from. I wonder how September will end.

Hell of an annoying lemon tree, if you ask me. But I suppose everyone stops here once in a while.

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