Conversations

Of late, it's been getting harder and harder to blog, for obvious reasons. Recently I've taken to using my trusty overseas book to pen down certain thoughts before I place them here (Almost the entire Riezz:EnK conversation was written there first), because well sometimes I just don't have the time to get down and blog. And I'm not alone, it's easy to tell that I'm not the only one blogging once a week or less.

Some of you may be wondering why this is a normal blogpost instead of a conversation, given how I've taken to them. Apart from time, I made another realization. I haven't been talking much about myself. While part of that is because I've a sibling who reads this, but that's irrelevent. Each and every conversation I wrote reflects an observation on my part, soemthing that happened or appeared that gave me this idea. On my part, I appreciate the compliments, but well. Conversation has a limit to its usefulness, after all drama is also about the silence that gets more across than the conversation that preceded it. Perhaps I've gotten less of a will to talk about myself and my life because of reasons like time, sis reading this, homework, and et cetera, but nonetheless it is present.

Maybe I've just wisened up and begun to take note of the fact that I've to work hard if I want my 36/45 points for IB at the end of the year. Or maybe I've just learnt that exposing your life to others isn't always such a good thing to do. Admittedly I've begun to know Klow less from talking to him, but more from reading his blog. But I don't silence my thoughts to hearing men only to voice it in visuals, so this doesn't benefit me.

Maybe it's the fact that a good number of people make misconceptions about what kind of person I am. It is always the case of the outward self against the inward self. When I portray my outward self too much, people like Darrell take it for granted and assume that's the me inside. Sure, I may be somewhat of an alpha male, but I can't really say that that's the reason why I don't take to Boey as well as I take to some others in class. Bryan's quite the egoist himself, I don't see ourselves getting along too badly. Darrell tells me next that I'm making enemies with my outward attitude. I ask him whom, and he can't answer. It's just weird being spoken of in a way that you aren't really.

I get calls from people while in class telling me that I'm being cynical again when I say something. I don't get it personally, after all I do believe that I've a better outlook and attitude towards life than a number of others. Yet few would see my view, Jarrel, Shaun, Klow, JX perhaps? Certainly more, but naming too many isn't the point. Jarrel told me that's because I'm speak out more often than the rest, hence my opinion is heard more. Makes sense, but the conclusion is difficult to take. When will this farcical and joking outwardly attitude of mine take over as my defining self instead of coexisting with my inner self? Who knows. Unlike Klow, few would bother to get to know me better. Curse or blessing? Who knows.

Nonetheless talking with those who know my better side is something to be thankful for. I am grateful for being able to sit next to JX, the ever underappreciated silent hero of our class. I doubt I'll be meeting anyone like him anytime soon anyway.

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It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes and a world of fears
There's so much that we share that it's time we're aware
It's a small, small world.

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone
Though the mountains divide and the oceans are wide
It's a small, small world.

It's a world of pain and a world of strife
But remember there still is joy in life,
Though fate may be your foe, know that you're not alone,
It's a small, small world.

Lie back where there's shade, feel the breezy wind,
Turn and see, there're more leaning on the tree,
Trees and grass, smiles and cries, clouds and skies, sweet goodbyes,
From the moon to the sun, it's all shared by everyone,
It's a small world after all!

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Maybe I'm not that good at being a lyricist. >_>