Tuesday, October 17, 2006


Somehow, naively, I wish to make up for my mistake the entire year of being a bad chairman. For this I thought of doing whatever crazy ideas any of my friends were thinking of, rushing headfirst even though my friends and I both knew that it was, ultimately, vain. As Xi Min begins to bring the mentos and coke tomorrow, my own self gets torn apart again between the chains of reason and the idealistic child (How ironic that Chained Wings, my completely unseen blog name, would on this day refer to two sides of myself, an intraconflict rather than an interconflict. Life's just a sad joke in that way, the same way that Murphy predicted).

People always talk about how it's better to regret that you did something, than to regret that you did nothing. But what of those who try again? Is their pain just twofold, or more?

Mr. Ng Yew Hong asked me what was wrong with me today after reading so much and completely not paying any attention whatsoever to him. Isn't it obvious? You yourself are partially guilty of this. But nonetheless, I will agree: it is my own fault that I am so overly critical of others, and that I am so incapable of just directly telling them what I consider important. It's just a guessing game with everyone, though the latter part of the alliteration fades into etherality at times.

The Pygmalion Effect, in my opinion, goes beyond just a mere expectation on the mentor's part towards the mentee. Obviously, the former party has to be first held accountable for whatever expectations made. No mentor would place hope in a child by treating him specially and raising his expectations of the child, only to have him fail once again in the test. What's this then, the Rosenthal Defect? False hope and hypocrisy are the double side of expectations.

...ah. What am I doing. I shouldn't be pushing blame onto others, should I? Cursing others for one's own failings is such the mark of a prideful one. Perhaps I'm just annoyed at others for not bearing the same conviction as I do; but then again, who wants to fall from higher ground?

(Wonder who understood that.)

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