Rarrness

Yes, again with the hiatus. I'm not sure what's with me these days, I don't really feel like doing anything. Not studying, not doing work, not learning stuff, not even playing, chatting or reading ToK. Heck, any more and I'm going to start to not feel like thinking. >_>

I.... dunno, but I've entered a kind of... boredom? I can't even properly entertain myself anymore. I don't even know what I'm thinking about, what I'm blogging about, what I'm typing about, nor what I'm typing for.

My brain's at a standstill. I'm not interested in anything. I'm... not fading away, am I? Into the world of oblivion. To be forgotten by others... as if I was just another 'somebody', being spoken of in the past tense (Phrase taken from Squall)

I... don't know. I need someone. Something. Someplace. Not for entertainment. For validification. I want to know that I still exist, still there to anywhere, still someone to anyone, something to anything. I... need some company.

I feel really bored right now, but well, there was a study a few years ago that when kids said that they were bored, they really meant that they were lonely. Perhaps my heart is playing tricks with me? I don't know. But I need someone. A friend, or anything, before I begin to fade into nothingness.

"To be forgotten is worse than death." Freya, FF9

I dunno. Am I scared of this? I know I won't be forgotten by anyone, but... I know I'll mean everyone to someone, be someone to anyone, but I'm scared of being anyone to everyone.

*sigh* I'm lonely. I think. It's foolish, isn't it? I've so many friends around, SZ, Hen, Gid, Shaun, JY, Jar, Gwin, Mel, Wensi, Matt, HW, Dar, Kevs, Bry, and I'd go on till 50+, but here I am saying I'm lonely. Why? Am I turning into one of those fashion maniacs, who looks at a wardrobe-full of clothes and sadly says that she has nothing to wear, while I stare at all of my friends and sadly say that I'm lonely and need company?

It can't be, can it? *sigh*

*sigh* What is this emotion? Sadness? Guilt? Pain? Angst? Disappointment? Envy? Despair? or mere silence?

I feel so much more confused about my emotions these days. So much for my apparent capability in intrapersonal relationships. Heh. Well, this is better than me being angsty, ain't it XD